I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH BLOGGING WHILST I FELL BACK IN LOVE WITH LIFE

It’s Sunday evening as I sit down to finish writing this blog post. It’s cold outside, the heating’s on, I’m wrapped up in my duvet and it feels like the perfect time to finally get a blog post up… and I know. I have some ~more~ explaining to do.

Let’s firstly start off by saying, that’s one heck of a blog title that’s been brewing in my mind for some time now. Every time my concentration sways from what I’m doing and I catch myself thinking about my blog, the same words pop into my mind; “I fell out of love with blogging, whilst I fell back in love with life” and it’s true. Something I thought I would never experience or have to admit is that for a short while, I fell out of love with blogging.

No hard feelings though, we’re all good here, we just needed a little space to figure things out. In one of my last update blog posts, I talked about life, how things are going and that you should expect to see me around a little more often on the blog side of things. That of course, didn’t happen. So, with tradition I’m throwing another life update post in the mix.

What’s new in my life?

If ya’ didn’t already know, it’s been one crazy year so far. I moved back into my family home, ended friendships and relationships and really questioned where I truly wanted to be in life. So much happened in the beginning of 2018 with my personal life that it really threw me off with my blog; I began investing more time into myself and the people around me and things are really starting to pay off, BUT even more has happened since my last update.

Some pretty huge life choice were made in these last nine months, but the last few have been my favourite of all. 

So where do we begin? I made the difficult decision to leave my position in the family business and finally do my own thing. It started with trialling out ‘blogging full time‘ to quickly learning that doing this where I live, where I don’t have many friends in the same town made me feel extremely lonely. I had no routine to my life, I didn’t leave the house for days at a time… it wasn’t good for me. That’s when I decided that as much as I wanted blogging full time to work, it just weren’t for me. So I went and landed myself in a new job doing something I really enjoy; I have routine to my life again, I get to leave the house, I’m surrounded by people I feel comfortable round. I’m much happier.

In the midst of all the new career excitement, my anxiety improved more and more each day. I found myself doing things I physically and mentally couldn’t do a few years ago and at one point had never imagined I’d feel strong enough to do again.

I started to believe in myself. 

Changing my surroundings and the people I associated with really completely changed my life.

As I previously wrote in my When life gives you lemons blog post, I ended friendships and relationships while working on building new and old ones up again. My relationship with the people around me started growing stronger and stronger to the point where I finally feel like I’m in a good place, with a special circle of friends around me…small, but special. I’ve discussed friendships a lot on this blog so it feels like a complete relief to finally say those things. I found happiness in friendship and in love.

I didn’t think this would be something I’d elaborate on too much as I’ve really found the balance in what I now prefer to share about my life and what I don’t, BUT – finding love when you’re least expecting it, in somebody that makes you feel alive is one of the best feelings in the world. Something I was sure I didn’t need. Until one day I realised that I was in the middle of spending every day in the company of somebody that makes me smile until my face aches and laugh like I’d never laughed before. Somebody that is patient, understanding and caring… even when I’m having a bad day with my on-going battle with anxiety. Somebody who never gives me a reason to feel like I have to doubt how cared for and loved I am. Things are moving in an exciting direction and I’m finally excited for the future.

Whats next? How I’m feelin’ about blogging.

I fell out of love with blogging, whilst I fell back in love with life. 

Sadly it’s true. When I started this blog in November 2015, I never imagined writing those words. I LOVE writing, creating, directing… everything that comes with running a blog. It’s not all pretty flat-lays and champagne events. It’s thinking of unique ideas, then making those ideas come to life – no matter what it takes. When you vision something in your mind, you get yourself into this mindset of NEEDING to bring it to life, and sometimes not feeling satisfied or settled until it’s done. That’s how I felt, all of the time.

It’s also late nights, early mornings, posing in front of a camera when you least feel like it because you have brand deadlines you can’t let down. It’s promoting, discussing, accepting criticism, self-doubt... It’s hard work and unless you’ve done it yourself, you’ll never truly understand that writing a blog isn’t just what you see on the screen you’re reading these words on.

I began writing this blog as a hobby, something to put my focus on during a difficult time of my life and to also share how passionate I am about all things lifestyle and beauty. Things grew pretty quickly, I took on a lot of work– sometimes too much to have handled and it’s probably the root as to why I started letting it slide. The idea of blogging full time is amazing for some, but for me it didn’t feel right. I allowed my hobby to become my job, something that was no longer personally enjoyable but stressful, unmanageable, l o n e l y… it drove me away from the one thing I once enjoyed the most. It’s of course not like that for everybody doing this full time (kudos to you if you are and enjoying it) but in my own experience, it was difficult. I thought that turning something I truly loved into my job would lead me to living the picture perfect life because, it’s practically the dream, right? When in reality, it felt like the complete opposite.

So I’ve finally decided to ditch all of the fancy, ‘business‘ stuff going on with my blog, go back to my roots and treat this place as a hobby again with no pressure

Where does this take the future of my blog? Right now, I’m not sure. All I know is, things are changing and I’m ready to take back the reigns to MY self-named blog I created almost three years ago

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